The last few years have been utterly life changing for me. God has shown and taught me so much in what seems like such a small amount of time. I look back at some of the things I wrote just a few years ago and am astounded at how much has changed. In this post I want to share some of the things God has been teaching me, and the effect it has had.
In late 2009 I tried to join the military. I had been training hard for months and was in great physical shape. I also prepared and studied for the entrance test and actually passed it with a perfect score. On paper I looked like the perfect candidate, and my recruiter was excited. However God had other plans for me. I've had a heart murmur since birth. The doctors told me it was trivial and would never be something I needed to worry about. However, the military seemed to think that there was just too much of a risk that I would drop dead randomly on them and decided to refuse me. I have to say I was crushed. I had put in so much work to be ready(more than 3 hours a day) and had wanted it so bad, yet here I was having accomplished nothing. Again. Another failure in what was a growing list of failures in my life. It was now early 2010 and I had accomplished nothing over months of work. It was here, sitting in the pit of failure that I heard God calling me to something else. Over the years I had been feeling like I should volunteer with the youth group, help out in some way. Problem was I didn't have a car, nobody else lived near me, and I was pretty busy. The excuses piled up. Then came the military debacle and I was feeling this tug from God to take another look at my priorities. You see, the lack of a car, the busy schedule, none of that had limited my training for the military. Where I couldn't find a ride I had simply taken my bicycle. I had moved my schedule around with such fluidity to reach the goals I had in the military, why couldn't I do the same in serving at my church?
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." Proverbs 3: 5-8 (ESV)
The first big step in my transformation hit me there. My logic and my wisdom was going to fail me, I had a long list of great ideas gone nowhere to prove it. It was about time I took the energy I had put into trying to make my own way into what I could hear God calling me to do. I have to say the words in that Proverb didn't take long to ring clearly. I only had to ride my bike out to a youth even the first day, then I met someone who would later become one of my best friends. Turns out he lived right near me and was more than willing to give me a ride so I wouldn't have to use the bicycle. It wasn't long after that when I was approached by the youth leader and informed of a new young adult group that someone wanted to start up for people who had recently graduated from high school, whether in college or not. They were new to the church so they needed some help and wanted to know if I'd be willing to give them a hand. This time when I felt the tug at my heart I didn't hesitate. Crossroads was born, and the people that I have met through this have blessed my life in immeasurable ways.
The rest of that year rounded out with me trying to learn my role in the ministries I was involved in, to try and figure out what God was leading me to do. The next year, 2011, was me attempting to learn to surrender to God's will for my life. This was not always easy. Even just remembering to pray regularly was a challenge at first. And I didn't always really seek God before making my choices, I would sometimes just jump at whatever opportunities seemed to be the most surrendered. It took me a long time to realize that surrendering to God didn't mean signing up for every event or project I was told about. It didn't even necessarily mean rushing into the missions field or giving my life to full times mission work. I think I was even volunteering with three different churches during this time and attending two others. Although that year I did go to India for missions and joined a missions organization in an attempt at doing missions full time. By the end of that year though I had gotten a lot better at truly listening for God's voice. My prayer life was greatly improved and God was responding in recognizable ways.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." James 1: 5-6 (ESV)
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." Matthew 7: 7-8 (ESV)
These verses were ringing so true to me. I had been desperately seeking for wisdom, council, and God to show me my path. And it was being revealed to me. I left the mission organization that I was in because I felt God calling me to keep working with the local youth, and to strive harder in working with the young adults, specifically on reaching out to the college campus' nearby. I went to the Passion conference at the end of that year/start of the next year. And God blew me away with confirmation. You see, the major theme that year was surrender. The main song was 'White Flag' and it quickly became a favorite of mine, felt like I'd been singing it my whole life. I was done fighting for where I wanted my life to go. I wanted God to teach me how to want where He wanted my life to go.
The next step in my life was learning to trust. Its one thing to want to go where God leads, its another thing to actually do it when you can't see how. Or when what you are asked to do looks far to big to accomplish.
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1 (ESV)
"When they were released, they went to their friends and reported what the chief priests and the elders had said to them. And when they had said, 'Sovereign Lord, who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and everything in them, who through the mouth of our father David, your servant, said by the Holy Spirit, 'Why did the Gentiles rage, and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers were gathered together, against the Lord and against his Anointed?' For truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place. And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus.' And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled wit the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness." Acts 4: 23-31 (ESV)
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (ESV)
These verses helped carry me through the next year(2012). And continue to carry me. In Psalms, and in Joshua we are reminded that God is right there with us in every challenge and situation. God is by our side and He is all powerful. What could we possibly have to fear? In Acts we see how we should behave when we are faced with an obstacle. We need to be bold, we need to pray, and then trust and believe that our God is who He says he is. Throughout 2012 I stove for this ideal. This boldness and fearlessness in serving God where He has sent me. I attended the Passion conference again in January of 2013. And again it felt like my year was being summarized. 'God of Angel Armies, Whom Shall I Fear' was one of the headlining songs. 'God's Great Dance Floor' was also introduced that year. And I can say that when I hear the words "I feel alive" in that song it has never rang more true than at this time in my life. These last few years have completely transformed me.
I can say that since I have learned to surrender, to seek God, to marvel at how BIG He really is, and come to grasp (as best as it can be grasped) how small everything in this life really is in comparison that I have not had a bad day. In almost two and a half years now, and not a single bad day. That isn't to say I haven't had trials, that life has been easy, or that I haven't had moments of sadness, anger, or stress. What I am saying is that those moments couldn't take my day. For I now see that I walk with God, following His steps in a path He has set before me. I listen for the sound of His voice and push onward. None of those struggles can hold a candle to the Majesty, Glory, and Joy I find in my God. They were moments in my day, mere minutes before I was again overwhelmed by the Joy of knowing Christ, of being a son of the Most High God. I'm sure most of you have heard the saying that life is a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs. How true that really is. But let me have you think about that imagery for a moment. Where is it on a roller coaster that you experience the most joy? Is it on those heights? Or is it when it takes a dive deep into the valleys of its track, with sudden twists and turns that you never saw coming, sometimes turning everything you know completely upside down. I want to leave you with this.
Keep your ear to the voice of our Savior. Trust with all your heart in the teachings of our God. Move with boldness against the obstacles that the world throws at you, and have no fear because our God is right there with us. My friends. Ride this roller coaster of life, both the view from the top when all is well, and the rush of those valleys where every twist and turn brings something new and unexpected into your life. Find joy in those valleys, and praise our wonderful God for every moment and opportunity we have to share his love.
