Living in Friday

Almost one year ago, I went through one of the more tumultuous spiritual times of my life. My pastor admitted to an affair with an employee that ended his pastoral role at my church. As a 36-year-old father of three and a husband of twelve years, in the media spotlight, he was accused of being suicidal, drug addicted, an abuser, and at the very core of it, imperfect. With all that, it got some pretty attention because he was the son of a big name Christian leader. Well that spotlight turned into a week-long media debacle that included police reports, photographs of bruises, suicide notes and divorce filings.

Three or Four months ago, my church gave a standing ovation to the idea of having that man return to our church body. In a church meeting, we applauded for hope and redemption.

Two days ago, my former pastor, Isaac Hunter committed suicide.

I’ve been going to Summit’s Thursday night services for close to four years. After the service, Isaac and Eddie would do a Q&A where we could text in questions for them to answer. It was personal. It was cool. You could be struggling and Isaac and Eddie would answer your questions in the most nuanced of ways. Even Joel Hunter occasionally texted in questions to stump his son.

“You have never locked eyes with someone who Jesus doesn’t love” was Isaac’s big quote. The group I went with would come pretty early and it just so happened that we would run into Isaac after dropping his kids off before services. He would always look you in the eye and greet you. Eye contact, in conversation and in the pulpit, was a big deal to him because Jesus was a big deal to him.

Isaac wasn’t perfect by any means, but who among us is? Because of his father, because of his job, because of the 24/7 media cycle, his life and dirty laundry were aired out for all of us to see. For me, that’s one of the hardest parts. Isaac modeled for me how you can use the pulpit for good and to build up others. He modeled excellence in speaking and preparation.  Isaac modeled so many great traits for young leaders like me; it was heartbreaking to look at the news a year ago. We saw the brokenness underneath the hood.

About four months or so ago, Isaac came back to attend Summit for a few weeks. John Parker talked about it during our big church meeting. When he said that inviting Isaac back said more about what we feel about Jesus than what we feel about Isaac, it kind of clicked for me. We all believed that Isaac was on the road back to health. 

But here we are.

Broken. Hurt. Betrayed. Angry. Sad. Destroyed. Doubting. Pained. And wondering how this could happen? How if Jesus loved Isaac and if Isaac loved Jesus then how could this happen? Did Isaac look in the mirror and lock eyes with himself and tell himself what he told us all the time?

But we all know it’s not that easy. We all know depression is not overcome by simply reminding yourself that God loves you. We can get caught up in the whys way too easily.

But we are here.

For some of us, this brought up a lot of emotions that we may have just sorted out. For some of us, this may bring about a darkness that we don’t know how to handle. And for some of us, this may bring us to an extreme place of doubt in the hope of Jesus.

Know two things throughout this:

                     1. You are loved and not alone. Christmas is about the coming of Jesus, Immanuel (God with us). God with us is a beautiful thing. It’s a calling to be with one another as God is with us. Jesus represents God saying the distance between us and him is no longer acceptable and therefore the distance we place between one another is unacceptable.

 2.  Grieve well. Doubt well. Don’t be afraid to be curious about what you're feeling. But feel them with others. Don’t close yourself out. My counselor says that being curious about what you are feeling is one of the keys to grieving. Don’t think grieving is something you overcome; Grieving is something you explore and learn from.

We live in broken world. But we worship a God big enough to love us through our imperfections. For every Friday there is a Sunday. But we can’t just jump ahead to Sunday. Be in the Friday because it will make the Sunday so much better.

We grieve a loss of a man that God loved. We grieve the loss of a leader who taught us the importance of grace, worship, and missions. We grieve the loss of a leader who, despite his imperfections, was a man who loved God.

My prayers are with the Hunters and the Northland/Summit community. Don't avoid the pain during this time. Don't skirt away. Be patient. Be in the Friday with us. Be in grace with us. 

We can only make it through together. 

As Isaac always said, "Relationships matter. You matter." 

Isaac, you mattered a great deal to many of us. Thank you for your ministry, your sermons, your kindness, your vision, your Church, your time, your heart, and ultimately your life. We'll miss you. 

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Ben Langevin

Is a student intern, speaker, published writer and worship leader from Oviedo, FL. As a creative writing major at UCF (Go Knights!), he enjoys creating, discovering, and cultivating life giving environments wherever God leads him. Ben is an avid culture fanatic. His favorite things include Netflix marathons with his girlfriend Erika, dodgeball with students at youth group, and of course Starbucks. He attends Summit Church and works at University Carillon United Methodist Church. 

Connect with him on twitter: Follow @BenLangevin