Forgiveness...

Art by Mike Donehey

Lead Singer of Tenth Avenue North

Cloud of the Past

I close my eyes and see all but what it is that I seek,

The pitch blackness that swirls into exuberant colors

Just permeates the inner thoughts and inner meanings of what it is

To see, to think, to hear, to even wonder how I got here.

It’s a confusing time when the fog comes.

But it comes, always the same.

Year in. Year out,

Like nothing could quench the drought,

It happens. It looms.

It sits, still, quiet, waiting for the time to strike,

Wishing it could just pounce on my dragged, dead body.

I’m worn.

And it knows this.

But yet it waits,

Just lingering over my head like a cloud on a midsummer night’s brilliance.

It covers the lights and swirls the clarity from enjoying the majesty

That sits in the ocean of stars above. 

 

It’s a cloud, but it acts more than that.

Clouds just cause non-clarity.

This… This is different.

It’s like a coat that won’t fit.

It’s mine. It always has been, but it doesn’t do its job,

It won’t zip.

I can push, pull, force, rip…

It allows that ice cold whipping wind in every time it tries…

Yes here it comes again.

I clench, body ready to be struck,

And then it never does… it waits.

Hanging on its every breath, its last leg of survival, the cloud freezes.

There it is, still wallowing over me.

Its patience is unnerving,

Craving the moment when it will unleash and knock me down again.

If only…

If only I could escape.

Yes, escape.

I close my eyes and see all but what it is that I seek,

and then it strikes in my most vulnerable moments… 

Weak.


------

A metaphor for when our past comes knocking. It has the power to destroy us, unless we deal with it.

This is where grace comes to play, in the moment of our absolute weakness, when we think there is no way God could possibly accept or love us... He offers us grace and mercy. (Hebrews 4:16)

When we think there is no way we could possibly forgive the other person, we have to remember it is God who first forgave us, while we were still yet sinners, he even bore the cross for us. God's mercy is more important to Him than our justice.

Let. It. Go.

We mus accept our stories, messed up, ruined, hurtful, sin-filled, evil... But as we accept these things, let us also accept grace, and let God start revealing to us, who we truly are: His. Made by Him, for Him, through Him, and in His image. We are loved. Redeemed. Free. Holy. New.

So the next time the cloud comes... we say with confidence,

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lay down in green pastures, leads me beside quiet waters, he is compassionate and gracious, abounding in love, not always accusing, nor treating us as our sins deserve. He will always protect, always trust, always hope for us and in us. He loves us. And His rod and His staff comfort us.

...But Faith.

Our problem is that if Jesus were to be here today, we wouldn't crucify him...

Instead we would invite him in for dinner, listen intently to his words... zone in and out from tweeting his pithy statements, perhaps update our facebook status with a 'wise saying', but for the most part... 

We would listen.

But... 

when Jesus left for the evening we would make fun of him.

Criticize his delivery. 
Crack jokes about his accent.
Undermine him because of his ethnicity.
Scoff at his faith.

Because faith is what we lack. Not knowledge or passion.

But faith.

Face today with Faith.